HOW TO BE PORTUGUESE-ISH by A. Bife

INTRODUCTION

Of course the question that may cross your mind, having read the title is, why should anyone who isn't Portuguese want to be Portuguese?

Many folk are quite happy with being whatever nationality they are, no matter whether they are actually living in the country of their birth, or not.

In fact I am quite proud of being a Brit.

Others, who immigrate to countries such as Australia and South Africa merely transplant themselves from one English community to another - and sometimes become more British than they ever were in Britain.

"All you have to do when you arrive in Portugal is go to a meeting of the Royal British Club and you will see the biggest bunch of stuffed shirts you thought possible." Said a South African acquaintance. (Who was somewhat anti-Brit anyway as his Grandmother had died at the hands of the British in a concentration camp during the Boer War in South Africa)

[Yes it was the Brits who invented concentration camps, not the Nazis]...

ABOUT

I have taken a Nome de plume for this book - which is A. Bife.

Portuguese may enjoy the joke as ‘um bife’ is their nickname for any Brit (m) and I believe it owes its origins to the British enjoyment of roast beef.

(Or maybe the Portuguese enjoyment of roast Brits - who knows.)

I would like to thank every Portuguese who showed me hospitality and kindness during my stay in their country - and for showing me pity for being a Bife.

This book may contain statements of a controversial nature - they do not represent the views of anyone I know, or have met either in Portugal, or anywhere else and are entirely my own conclusions

All events are real; I have merely changed some of the names of the participants. (In case they decide to either disown, or sue me.)

I would be very interested to hear of anyone’s comments to these contents and this blogsite is for this purpose - which will contain extracts from the book.

You will be able to add your comments to the various chapters by clicking on ‘Comments’ and following the on-line instructions.